Tim OBriens The Things They Carried Essay - 735 Words

Tim OBriens The Things They Carried Culture teaches that men must dispense of ridiculous emotions and remain firm, following expected duties. O’Brien develops this theme of the transition from youth to manhood in his short story, â€Å"The Things They Carried.† Through the protagonist Jimmy Cross, metaphors of weight, and futile ideas of freedom, O’Brien reveals how society expects young men in transition to adulthood to let go of impractical idealism and dwell instead on the cruel reality of the world. Initially, O’Brien highlights Cross’s thoughts of love and emotional feelings as he describes the experience of war. Cross constantly thinks about Martha and how much he loves her, and though he senses her uninvolvement, he†¦show more content†¦Though Cross dwells in idealism and hope for a time, Cross transitions into a realistic mindset after the shocking death of Ted Lavender. O’Brien illustrates the cruel reality of life and its fragility, ending quickly like â€Å"boom-down.† With the Lavender’s death, Cross realizes that his responsibilities as a soldier, a leader, and a man are far more important than his futile grasps on romanticism. He recognizes the need for â€Å"a new hardness in his stomach† and decides to be â€Å"realistic.† He burns Martha’s photographs and, in effect, his hope, feelings of love and emotion, and his childhood. O’Brien reveals Cross’s despondent thoughts about the thi ngs men â€Å"felt they had to do,† but also his acceptance of society’s expectations. Cross’s resolve to â€Å"distance himself† shows hisShow MoreRelatedTim OBriens The Things They Carried: An Analysis1542 Words   |  6 PagesStudent Network Resources Inc.  ©2003-2010 ________________________________________________________________________ Tim OBriens The Things They Carried is a short story told in the form of a catalogue. OBriens title provides both an accurate description of how the story is organized mainly by lists, with the narrative seeming an almost accidental intrusion but also as a sort of recurrent musical refrain in the text itself. The title phrase is repeated at semi-regular intervals in theRead More The Guilt They Carried in Tim O’Brien’s The Things They Carried1422 Words   |  6 PagesThe Guilt They Carried in Tim O’Brien’s The Things They Carried In the aftermath of a comparatively minor misfortune, all parties concerned seem to be eager to direct the blame to someone or something else. It seems so easy to pin down one specific mistake that caused everything else to go wrong in an everyday situation. However, war is a vastly different story. War is ambiguous, an enormous and intangible event, and it cannot simply be blamed for the resulting deaths for which it is indirectlyRead MoreEssay on Tim OBriens The Things They Carried1128 Words   |  5 PagesTim OBriens The Things They Carried   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  How does death affect the behavior of people? Although death affects everyones behavior differently, knowledge of ones imminent death is a main force behind behavioral changes. This knowledge causes emotions that motivate people to act in ways that they normally would not. In Tim OBriens The Things They Carried,; the knowledge of death and its closeness causes the men in the story to alter their behavior by changing they way they display powerRead MoreTim OBriens The Things They Carried Essay1348 Words   |  6 PagesIn Tim OBriens The Things They Carried the issue of maturity is an ever occurring theme within the novel that sets out to tackle and open up for discussion of it on a broader level. Specifically within the chapters Friends and Enemies it is clear that both Lee Strunk and Dave Jensen are wedged in a personal psychological war. This issue faces many young adults but is perverted by the war and the tragic loss of innocent life. Many feel that the purpos e of OBriens The Things They Carried isRead MoreReview: Tim OBriens The Things They Carried1610 Words   |  6 PagesIn Tim OBriens The Things They Carried, the main theme is that the young men of Alpha Company carry many physical and emotional burdens which linger on long after the war. As they walked through the jungles and swamps of South Vietnam, they carried weapons, equipment, personal items, and also carried the dead and wounded off the battlefield as well as the guilt for having survived. First Lieutenant Jimmy Cross carried the responsibility for the men under his command and guilt about the war theyRead MoreEssay about Tim OBriens the Things They Carried1558 Words   |  7 PagesTim OBriens The Things They Carried is not a novel about the Vietnam War. It is a story about the soldiers and their experiences and emotions that are brought about from the war. OBrien makes several statements about war through these dynamic characters. He shows the violent nature of soldiers under the pressures of war, he makes an effective antiwar statement, and he comments on the reversal of a social deviation into the norm. By skillfully employing the stylistic technique of specificRead MoreThe Struggle of Weight in Tim OBriens The Things They Carried1315 Words   |  6 PagesThe Struggle of Weight in Tim OBriens The Things They Carried The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines the word weight as a mass or quantity of something taken up and carried, conveyed, or transported. Tim OBriens war story The Things They Carried, published in 1990, explores the theme of weight and its importance to men at war in considerable depth. The opening chapter of this book, which was originally written as a short story, is comprised of a collection of lists. OBrien detailsRead MoreMilitary Life in Vietnam in Tim O’Brien’s The Things They Carried1563 Words   |  7 Pages The Things They Carried is a story based on the experiences of young American soldiers fighting during the Vietnam War. The story begins giving you insight into the thoughts of the soldiers, describing to you what they humped along with them through their walk in the deep jungle of Vietnam. Some of those things were necessities P-38 can openers, pocket knives, heat tabs, wristwatches, dog tags, mosquito repellent, chewing-gum, candy, cigarettes, salt tablets (81) and some were objects to giveRead MoreTim OBriens, the Things They Carried Critical Essay on Ptsd1360 Words   |  6 Pagesdrop the object because it was too much to bear? Tim O’brien’s novel, The Things They Carried, is about men in the middle of the Vietnam War just trying to survive. These men, like all soldiers, carried many things ranging from the physical items of war to the emotional and mental weight that comes along with the horrors of war. â€Å"They carried all they could bear, and then some, i ncluding a silent awe for the terrible power of the things they carried.†(O’brien,7) I believe in this novel, O’brien givesRead MoreCharacter Comparison in Tim OBriens The Things They Carried553 Words   |  3 Pages The central theme of the story is the age-old conflict of life and death. On a more personal level with First Lieutenant Jimmy Cross, the round character and protagonist of The Things They Carried, it is a conflict of love, his antagonist and of war. The author, Tim OBrien, is writing about an experience of a tour in the Vietnam conflict. This short story deals with inner conflicts of some individual soldiers and how they chose to deal with the realities of the Vietnam conflict

The Censorship of Pornography - 1581 Words

Censorship of Pornography: Censorship is vital and takes place on a daily basis in the modern society even in nations that state their respect and maintenance of the freedom of speech. For instance, there are several regulations that restrict broadcasters in the kind of programmes to be transmitted as specific times of the day. The other ways with which censorship happens every day is through the laws that forbid people from expressing themselves publicly toward particular political or ethnic groups and those that restrict cinema-goers in the choice of film. In the past few years, censorship of pornography has emerged as key issue of public debate, especially whether such measures would be unjustified infringement of peoples basic freedom. Censorship of pornography is at the center of debate since its still uncertain on whether the government can legally ban citizens from viewing or publishing pornography. Understanding Pornography: Pornography is a term derived from Greek writing on prostitutes and is currently considered as any material such as words or pictures that is sexually explicit (West, 2004). Notably, this description includes different kinds of material in divergent contexts because of the different consideration of what sexually explicit material is from culture to culture. In some cases, pornography is described as sexually explicit material that is basically developed to produce sexual arousal in its viewers. Throughout history, pornography hasShow MoreRelated Censorship Essay - No Need to Censor Pornography1362 Words   |  6 PagesNeed to Censor Pornography      Ã‚  Ã‚   Pornography is often considered an ugly word and possibly an ugly act. The pictures and words of pornography can be vulgar and degrading to many of us, but is it the evil of all things? Is it, and it alone, responsible for sexism, rape, racism, battery, and child abuse? No! The media is loaded with many sexist, racist, violent material, and most of it is not considered pornography. The issue of violence and oppression is much deeper than pornography. Most peopleRead MoreCensorship of Internet Pornography is Unconstitutional Essay2385 Words   |  10 Pagesaccess to pornographic materials, one can pay a one-time fee of $9.95 to an Adult Check service (Levy 54). Also the Child Pornography Protection Act has been passed. It is to combat the use of computer technology that enables a pornographer to alter a picture of a child to make it seem as though the child engaged in an explicit sex act (Quittner 74). Rulings about child pornography have existed for years and will alway s enacted whether it is in the cyber universe or in magazine and movies. State lawsRead More Children and the Censorship of Internet Pornography Essay4060 Words   |  17 Pagesbackgrounds come together linked upon this network resembling a connection of one body in unity. Sadly, issues arise creating concern for users, focusing particularly on minors. Pornography is one of the inappropriate materials on the Internet for minors. This material is harmful to young impressionable minds. Pornography is tearing and disintegrating the foundations of our society can be described as follows, what was available to a small number of people willing to drive to the bad side of townRead MoreEssay about Internet Pornography Censorship vs Free Speech1671 Words   |  7 Pagesespecially when it comes to pornography, or cyberporn, as it is more commonly referred to when it is displayed on the Internet. Should cyberporn be censored? If so, who is responsible, parents or the government? Is Internet censorship the solution, or a violation of the first amendment? The citizens of a democracy must make these kinds of decisions while simultaneously maintaining freedom and responsibility on the Internet. BACKGROUND OF THE PROBLEM Pornography on the Internet and the easeRead MoreFeminism and Pornography: Differing Views1221 Words   |  5 PagesThe pornography debate has been an issue within the feminist movement that has been pushed to the periphery in recent times. It is not as widely seen on the main stage of the feminist agenda and this may be because of a division in feminist thought with regards to pornography. Generally speaking, there are â€Å"pro-sex† feminists who believe that women have the right to do what they wish with their bodies and there are â€Å"pro-censorship† feminists who believe pornography is inherently degrading and violentRead MoreEssay on Is Censorship Justified?1174 Words   |  5 PagesIs Censorship Justified? Ever wondered the reason behind racial discrimination, sexual discrimination, children committing crime or violence? The main reason is that censorship is not properly imposed or there is a need of censorship in the society. Censorship is the suppression of ideas and information that certain people, individual, groups or government officials find it objectionable, offensive or dangerous on others. There are varieties of other definitions but all have in common the conceptRead More Internet Censorship Essay802 Words   |  4 PagesInternet Censorship Internet Censorship. What does this mean to us? What is restricted? Censorship is summarily defined as the suppression of objectionable material. That means that material such as pornography, militant information, offensive language, anti-religion, and racism would be restricted in use. Freedom would not only be restricted to material placed on the web, but also what you could access, and where you could explore. Should the right of Freedom of Speech be taken away fromRead MoreInternet Censorship Essay994 Words   |  4 Pagesjust about everything is regulated in one fashion or another, many are calling for the censorship of Internet pornography. While some say it is a necessity when it comes to the industry, others argue it is downright unlawful. Internet pornography is a billion dollar industry that shows no signs of slowing down. Some argue that it may be high time to step in and slow it down for them in the form of censorship. A recent study concluded that there are around 4.2 million pornographic websites on theRead More Religion and Sexual Censorship in America Essay646 Words   |  3 Pagesâ€Å"Those of us who trust sexuality must not allow ourselves to be controlled by those who fear it (Marty Klein).† In America censorship has affected various mediums: print, art, television, and internet, as it pertain to sexuality. However the first amendment â€Å"protects† the right to free speak, and press. Congress has tried to pass bills to outlaw pornography, (but have failed) ban books for sexual content, and dictate what can be said on TV and radio. If the government is allowed to censor theseRead MoreEssay Censorship Is Wrong846 Words   |  4 Pages Censorship: an official authorised to examine printed matter, films, news, etc., before public release, and to suppress any parts on the grounds of obscenity, a threat to security, etc. (Dictionary, MS Encarta) Censorship is the removal of material from public viewing or the ability to withhold any material from being released. Using this definition, this issue of pornography seems to be in the grey area of the censorship debate. On the one side there are the people who want to protect their

The Twilight Saga 5 Midnight Sun 24. Blood Free Essays

string(31) " quick sharp pull of her body\." There were distant sounds of a fight, the loud noise of a vampire being torn apart, but my eyes were only able to see one thing ?C Bella. She was lying on the ground, crumpled, broken, while the pool of blood continued to grow wider underneath her. The red fluid, spilling, wasting, on the floor, the scent pulsing through the air. We will write a custom essay sample on The Twilight Saga 5: Midnight Sun 24. Blood or any similar topic only for you Order Now The amount was cataclysmic, as each second passed a distinctive, yet intangible, spice of the most delicious aroma left burning lacerations in my aching throat. My knee was placed resolutely in the middle of the puddle, soaking me in her blood†¦her life. I took a deep breath and ignored my longing, my lust, my ravenous desire – I focused on the angel. â€Å"Bella,† I soothed her. â€Å"You’re going to be fine.† Unresponsive, detached. A plea entered my voice. â€Å"Can you hear me, Bella? I love you.† I sent a reverent petition to which ever god would answer a creature like me. â€Å"Edward,† she croaked, answering my silent request. â€Å"Yes, I’m here,† I declared earnestly. Slow, small, and irregular quantity of tears trickled down her cheeks. â€Å"It hurts,† she uttered many inarticulate lamentations of grief as her eyes closed tightly. Her words plagued and tormented me. I lightly brushed her hair from her face. â€Å"I know, Bella, I know.† I shifted my posture to Carlisle. â€Å"Can’t you do anything?† I asked him urgently, peremptorily. This doesn’t look good. I need you to prepare yourself for the worst. â€Å"My bag please,† Carlisle reached his hand out. The scent†¦Alice’s eyes were wild when she passed the bag to him. â€Å"Hold your breath, Alice, it will help,† Carlisle declared while grabbing his bag. â€Å"Alice?† Bella questioned in a sustained mournful cry. Alice continued to hold her breath, unable to answer her. Bella, she lamented a sigh silently. â€Å"She’s here,† I assured her. â€Å"She knew where to find you,† I silently thanked Alice as our eyes met for a fraction of a second. Alice made a slight and quick bend of her head. Not soon enough, her eyes were deep with sorrow. A quick glance around the room brought the total devastation and destruction back into focus. The mirror was cracked and shiny blood was smeared across the floor and mirrors. â€Å"My hand hurts,† Bella mumbled in an almost unintelligible extent, bringing me back from my distraction. â€Å"I know, Bella.† Another scorch mark broke down my throat as I took in another breath to answer the angel who was lying in front of me. I’m about to administer some morphine into her system. Her pain should go away fairly quick after that. â€Å"Carlisle will give you something, it will stop.† All the noise, the fighting, the sound of cracking wood, it was all drowned out when a sharp and piercing cry echoed through the Ballet Studio. â€Å"My hand is burning,† Bella shouted, her eyes fluttering, trying to open but were restricted because of the blood. â€Å"Bella?† I cried out, frightened. I felt a great mental suffering, as her screams were slowly torturing me. The morphine should be working. Another loud wail. â€Å"The fire! Someone stop the fire!† she screamed and moaned in paroxysms of grief. I looked over my shoulder as Emmett was starting a fire to burn James ?C but it was nowhere near us. I turned back to her, going to the source of her first cries. There were perfect teeth imprints on her wrist where a vampire, I growled in rage, had bit her. â€Å"Carlisle! Her hand!† I yelled in disgust, hoping he might have a remedy or that I was wrong all together. An icy surge of terror filled my lungs. I watched as his eyes looked over the outline of the mark. â€Å"He bit her.† Carlisle stated in revulsion. A deep breath entered my lungs as her scent rippled down my flaming throat, the horror entering my body. My view was obliterated by anger ?C I was seeing red. I can’t do it. â€Å"Edward, you have to do it,† Alice commanded while wiping the blood out of Bella’s eyes. Her stare was so intent you would think she was trying to force Bella to mend just by looking at her. â€Å"No,† I roared, looking at Carlisle, hoping he would tell me something different. â€Å"Alice,† Bella cried in a low, mournful sound. Edward, if you want her to stay human†¦ â€Å"There may be a chance,† Carlisle persisted. â€Å"What?† I begged, not understanding why they wanted me to do it. â€Å"See if you can suck the venom back out. The wound is fairly clean,† Carlisle explained as he stitched Bella’s head wound. The shock from this statement was so huge it rooted me to the spot for several seconds. â€Å"Will that work?† Alice’s throat was obstructed by the fear of losing her friend. I assume it would work the same as a snake bite. â€Å"I don’t know,† he admitted. â€Å"But we have to hurry.† You have to do this, Edward; I can’t do this for you. The thought of consuming her blood, even if it was saving her life sent pleasure and pain flooding into my body. To taste her would be wrong†¦fallacious. I felt utterly disgusted with myself but the temptation was growing. My veins felt like they were being filled with acid as I contemplated putting her life in more danger†¦the liability†¦to place her in mortal peril, where she may never come back to me†¦ I felt like I was choking. â€Å"Carlisle†¦I,† I faltered. The thoughts tilted back and forth in my mind like a see saw. â€Å"I don’t know if I can do that,† the words were laced with the agony that was consuming me, I felt like I was being strangled, desperate for air. Carlisle was working quickly over Bella’s head, pulling a needle through her skin over and over, sewing her up. He looked at my face. â€Å"It’s your decision, Edward, either way. I can’t help you. I have to get this bleeding stopped here if you’re going to be taking blood from her hand.† Bella jerked a quick sharp pull of her body. You read "The Twilight Saga 5: Midnight Sun 24. Blood" in category "Essay examples" Another thrust and a suddenly arrested motion as she thrashed against the burning pain in her hand as my mind was racing for alternatives. â€Å"Edward!† she shouted spasmodically. Her eyes flew open and her dark brown eyes darted around in every direction until they landed on me. Watching her writhing in burning pain, pain that I remember well, burnt me, like I could feel it too. I could take the pain away ?C I could make it all stop ?C but would I take her life in the process? â€Å"Alice, get me something to brace her leg!† Carlisle shouted as he was finishing up the stitches on Bella’s head. Maybe he should let her become a vampire; it would make things a whole lot easier. â€Å"Edward, you must do it now, or it will be too late.† At his thoughts ?C to think of Bella as a vampire ?C death would be better than this†¦this†¦life. Bella was beginning to jerk in violent spasmodic muscular movements, the abrupt motions making her leg flail limply around. Carlisle caught her leg to hold it still. Now, Carlisle ordered in his head. I shot him a furtive look. My fingers wrapped around her tiny and delicate wrist, preventing her involuntary reflexes, like she was pulling her hand away from a flame. The desire to taste, the agony of the bite†¦every second I bent closer to her my mind tittered on an unstable line of right and wrong. My mind was traveling between two different worlds. Reason, truth, maybe some standard or principle ?C this had to be the solution; the right answer. Not proper, awry, not appropriate. The thoughts scattered across my already stressed mind as I bent down further. She thrust against my hold making the prolonged pain of my intense mental suffering grow exponentially. Her breathing was harsh and ragged as her wild yells filled the studio, reverberating off the mirrors and walls. My lips touched her skin, the fresh blood soaking into my lips. Hunger. Completely ravenous. I pulled her blood from the bite wound and it rushed into my mouth. The blood was hot and wet in my mouth. Sensations I’d never felt before tingled my tongue, sending a pleasurable warmth down my frozen and dry aching throat. Each second the monster was threatening to take over as he reared his head in appreciation. She screamed and lashed, struggling to get away from my grip. I knew it was hurting her, but my instincts had taken over, I held her tighter, intensely eager to devour the palatable, savory†¦delectable†¦I tried not to moan in pleasure. The luxuriant fullness that had consumed me brought intense satisfaction. I was ultimately determined to seize her, to have all of her, as I sucked down the blood in large gluttonous amounts. I could feel her becoming limp in my strong grasp as I continued my consumption of her gratifyingly warm, red†¦crimson blood. â€Å"Edward,† Bella mumbled incoherently, bringing me from my frenzy ?C like a soft voice had just whispered in my ear. Edward! Please†¦please don’t kill her. Stop! Alice cried in her mind, not wanting to scare Bella. â€Å"He’s right here, Bella.† Her voice trembled slightly, her visions showing her an unsure course. Bella’s eyes rolled in her head like marbles on an unstable surface. She was dying. With a stupendous effort I let go, placing her hand down gently, forcibly reminding myself of her delicate nature. The dazzling sunlight of the day bathed the studio with a natural light, making the pool of blood glitter. Bella was silent and limp, her heart barely pumping the little amount of blood that was left in her body. Did I kill her? I felt like someone had just stabbed me in my heart. Would this be her brutal ending? I felt a horrible compression in my chest at my thoughts. They placed an inexcusable trust in me! I looked at her intently, waiting for another reaction with increasing desperation. She took an unsteady breath ?C the small cry of pain still present. I was devoutly thankful to whatever god had been watching over her this morning. â€Å"Stay, Edward, stay with me†¦Ã¢â‚¬  She barely breathed. I sighed heavily at the beautiful angel voice. â€Å"I will,† I promised, the stress of the situation still evident in my triumphant voice. I put her words on repeat in my mind, realizing even though I put her in this danger and almost sucked her dry of life, she still loved me†¦still wanted me to stay with her. I brushed my hand lightly against her cheek. A small sigh escaped her lips, her pain obviously dulling as her eyes closed lightly. You didn’t kill her, Carlisle thought proudly. â€Å"Is it all out?† he checked. I didn’t kill her. The relief was so exquisite it was nearly pain. The ache†¦anxiety, my oppression was slowly dissipating. â€Å"Her blood tastes clean,† I breathed a sigh of relief. â€Å"I can taste the morphine.† Let’s make sure before we take her to the hospital. The morphine might be covering up the pain. â€Å"Bella?† Carlisle called out, bringing Bella from an almost slumber. Bella didn’t bother to open her eyes, her body lying limp on the ground. â€Å"Mmmmm?† â€Å"Is the fire gone?† Carlisle stared at me, waiting for the answer. Bella’s voice was slow and sluggish. â€Å"Yes,† she sighed. â€Å"Thank you, Edward.† I felt a profound feeling of warmth radiate from my body. â€Å"I love you,† I breathed in deep affection. To taste something so sensational and be able to stop†¦ I sighed, the benevolent reverence I had for her grew suddenly, like she was divine in nature. â€Å"I know,† she breathed once more, her words becoming incoherent with sleep. At her words ?C her almost sarcastic words, a low chuckle escaped my lips. The sound was doused in relief. Did you see her mother? Is she dead? Carlisle’s face looked grave. We both listened for a moment, trying to hear a heart beat†¦someone breathing, but there was nothing. I shook my head. â€Å"Bella?† Her lips twitched into a frown. â€Å"What?† she mumbled. â€Å"Where is your mother?† he asked. â€Å"In Florida,† she sighed. Then her face barely distorted in anger. â€Å"He tricked me, Edward. He watched our videos.† I gritted my teeth in anger, the reminder of James came to the forefront of my mind as I looked over my shoulder at the rapidly growing flames that were licking up the walls of the studio. â€Å"Alice.† Bella’s eyes fluttered and failed to open. â€Å"Alice,† she called again. â€Å"The video ?C he knew you, Alice, he knew where you came from,† her voice drifted off weakly. â€Å"I smell gasoline,† she added quietly. This building is going to be up in flames shortly, we need to leave. â€Å"It’s time to move her,† Carlisle looked at me. Can you carry her? You must be careful not to hold her too tightly. We don’t want her ribs protruding into her organs. I nodded my head. â€Å"I want to sleep,† Bella protested. â€Å"You can sleep, sweetheart, I’ll carry you,† I tried to soothe her as I brought her gently into my arms, like she was a delicate soap bubble. She’s more fragile than a soap bubble, I laughed internally, the first real signs of the ending danger.†Sleep now, Bella,† I kissed her lightly on the forehead, the blood unaffecting me in this most relief filled moments. She fell limp in my arms, her eyes shut lightly, like she was in a deep slumber. I emerged from the flames of the studio as Alice opened the car door of the Cadillac for me. I slowly laid her down in the backseat. I sat beside her, pulling her into my lap. I wanted to keep her as close to me as possible. I looked up through the shining sunlight, where Alice was glittering like millions of tiny facets were embedded in her skin, and noticed the relief on her face also. â€Å"Where’s Emmett and Jasper?† I wondered, catching a glimpse of the Mercedes still parked out front. â€Å"They’ve gone back to the hotel. I’m not riding with you, I’m going to meet them there. We are going to set up a†¦scenario.† I saw in her mind the plan ?C they were going to break the glass wall of one of the stair wells ?C saying Bella had fallen down the stairs and through the window, causing her injuries. â€Å"Will that work?† I asked. â€Å"Yes.† She stated while shutting the door and sprinting off in the dark shadows around the buildings. Carlisle was already in the driver’s seat, the car starting. I didn’t speak, and neither did he during our ride to the hospital, though I could always hear his thoughts. I guess the glass from the window and falling down stairs could account for her injuries. Hum†¦ Alice is truly clever. I can’t believe Edward was able to stop when Bella’s blood calls to him so absolutely. Two lefts and a right†¦ We pulled into the emergency room lane, Carlisle helped Bella out of the car and handed her back to me. I carried her through the large glass doors as they slid open for me automatically. The nurse at the front desk stood immediately, gasped at the sight of the blood, her thoughts becoming panicky, and ran to get help. Soon there were doctors and more nurses running through the halls, all ready to help her. It pained me to see the slowness that they moved, though their pace was particularly fast considering they were just mere humans. I brushed her face lightly as I placed her on the gurney. â€Å"My name’s Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I would like to help in any way that I can. She is like family to me,† Carlisle spoke quickly to the doctor on duty. I knew he was beginning to feel this away about her, but he had never thought or said that statement out loud. She was family, though. To see all of the Cullen’s, even Rosalie, ban together to protect the one fragile human that I loved so deeply made me realize that maybe she was my destiny†¦that even after tasting her blood, I was able to keep her alive. I shook my head. It was idiotic to think that way. I would have never tasted her blood if it weren’t for me putting her in danger in the first place. This was entirely my fault. She was being rushed to surgery because of me. Her bones are broken†¦she was bit by a vampire! Each thought was a struggle, I saved her, but she wouldn’t have needed saving had I never invited her into my secret life. Another thought. When I left Forks†¦if I never returned†¦she would be dead now. I saved her! The battle between right and wrong was taking over my body as I sunk down into the nearest chair and waited for some news. A couple of very long minutes later Alice came prancing through the doors, exultant at her prized display of a fake accident, her eyes were reminiscent. Carlisle came bursting through the big white emergency doors. â€Å"We need permission from her mother or father before she can have surgery.† â€Å"Already done,† Alice trilled. â€Å"She should be calling the hospital in three seconds.† Suddenly the phone rang and the nurses’ station picked up. â€Å"Hold on just one minute, Mrs. Dwyer,† the nurse pressed the hold button and then another button to send the call back to the doctor on duty. â€Å"That’s my cue,† Carlisle said. â€Å"I’ll keep you informed.† He turned on his heal and walked smoothly and gracefully through the doors sending an everything will be all right, thought my way. I sighed and sank down into a chair. I sat still for an hour. A very long hour. I still hadn’t recovered from the shock of seeing Bella in such a broken state as I sat there frozen and unmoving. Hate and revulsion were there, squarely in my chest, reminding me of the monster I am. I sat there, silent and unmoving ?C rigid as a wax work while the battle raged inside me. I kept turning cold thinking about what would have happened if I hadn’t shown up. I shuddered. Another hour passed, and this one was longer than the first. I begged the earth to crack open and swallow me whole. Alice didn’t say anything, just sitting quietly next to me, realizing it wasn’t a good time to talk. I hoped to deflect any invitation to join into a conversation with her. Alice continued to gaze dreamily out the window. I heard feet racing down the hall way and I looked to my right as Carlisle busted through the big white emergency doors to report on how Bella was doing. â€Å"She’s going to be fine. She will be out of surgery shortly. There was a lot of damage to her leg, but they were able to fix it. She should have no permanent damage,† Carlisle informed me, placing his hand on my shoulder, speaking bracing words of comfort. â€Å"Relax. I’ll show you where her room will be.† I leapt to my feet. We walked slowly through the hallways of the hospital; the walls were bland and off white. There was a sickening smell in the air†¦the smell of iodine and death. We reached big metal doors to an elevator. Alice pressed the button to go up, already knowing which room we were going to be in. I waited impatiently for the doors to open. Ding. The elevator doors opened to admit us and we all three stepped through them, Alice once again pressing the button, one that said four. I felt a shifting under me as my stone like body was slowing ascending the many floors of the building. Ding. The doors opened to admit us onto the fourth floor, which was just as boring as the first. â€Å"This way,† Alice said. I followed her until we reached room four-oh-eight. I stepped through the threshold. No Bella. I sank down in the chair next to the bed, waiting once again impatiently. I leaned over and put my head in my hands, trying to dislodge the thoughts and feelings that were consuming my body, setting it aflame and then dousing it with cold water. The scent was still strongly present on my hands. I pulled them away to examine the damage. There was no white space, my hands were covered in scarlet blood. A stubby nurse walked into the room. â€Å"Oh,† she gasped. â€Å"I didn’t realize anyone was in here.† I looked up at her and she jumped back several feet. His eyes! I looked away quickly. â€Å"I’ll just come back†¦Ã¢â‚¬  she bustled out of the room quickly. â€Å"That’s right! I almost forgot,† Alice chimed in. â€Å"What is it, Alice?† I groaned. She tossed me a small white box. I flipped it over in my hands. Contacts. Crap, another reminder, I thought angrily. I went into the bathroom to place the contacts over my bright red eyes†¦bright red because of Bella’s blood. All of this because of my†¦need. It was true, I needed Bella. Would I ever be able to leave her and stop bringing danger to her door step? I fluttered my eye as an obstruction fell over my vision. I could see every line and contour of the wretched thing. I pulled the other contact out to place in my other eye. I brought my face close to the mirror, studying it. I was oddly flushed and more pink than normal; my eye was scarlet red because I was full of human blood. The gleaming red eye reminded me of the monster that I am. I sighed and placed the contact in my eye as my vision became obstructed again. I washed my hands thoroughly, watching the water turn red and run down the drain. I walked out of the bathroom. â€Å"Much better,† Alice said. I heard a squeal of wheels being pushed down the lament floor. Be prepared, Carlisle warned. Worry and anxiety filled my stomach like acid as I stood to open the door, realizing I had less resolution than ever. 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